WIPED OUT!

I feel utterly and completely wiped out! Mentally, physically, emotionally, almost spiritually. I'm just gonna lay it out on the line right now. I'm not turning my blog into "confessional", but there's just a lot goin on.
Yesterday I attended a funeral for a 2 month old baby boy. He died from SIDS last Thursday. His mom & 3 siblings go to my church. I hadn't met him yet cuz they hadn't been back since he's been born. He was wrapped up in a blanket, with a beanie, laid in a woven basket. He was so cute, just like his older sisters & brother. His name was Harrison Scott. What can you say to a greiving mother? I asked her if I could come visit her Thursday to pray with her. That's all I know how to do in a situation like this. I'm not a very good cook, and I'm not very eloquant with words, but I can pray. No parent should ever have to experience that. Thank God she does have a strong faith in the Father, because that's the only thing (I think) that's getting her through this tough time. I'm sitting here crying just thinking about it... a young, innocent life, with so much potential, so much hope... gone, so quickly. The only comfort is that we know he's in heaven, and as Robin, our Pastor said so kind and lovingly, we know he's resting in the loving arms of Jesus. I just can't stop thinking about it. I've certainly been holding, hugging, touching, and kissing my own kids more often.

My husband has (technically) been unemployed since August. We were alright until Christmas, then our tax return bailed us out, and now, we're in the red, rackin' up debt, getting further and further behind. It is so frustrating to see him suffer from depression for 3 months, and then come out of it, and be doing ok, but not go back to work. Excuses, distractions, fear, more excuses, on and on. I've offered to find a full-time job and let him stay home and run the house, but that's no good.

Do you know how fast 3 kids can make a mess? I set out with a specific mission of cleaning up my house really well, I guess a "spring-cleaning" mission, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't win.

So, I'm having a hard time, feeling very frustrated, low, tired, worn out, unappreciated, like I'm just floating along, trying to make it through the end of the day, just so I can go to bed. Bedtime is the highlight of my day. That's pitiful.

Then I think about a gift I've been given. A gift that I first openly recieved one night in October, 1998. No matter how bad I think things are, for me, or the people around me, Jesus had it much, much worse. and he knew how bad it was gonna be, before he did it, but he did it anyway because he had a purpose. He loves me, and he loves you, and he loves Wilma & Harrison & Tony, and he was beaten and bruised and hung on a cross and died for me and you because he loves us all that much. He did it for us because he wants to be with us for all of eternity. This life is so quick, so minor, so insignificant in so many ways, but the gift of life with Jesus is eternal. That's all that matters.

So, chin up, keep on goin, it'll get better. Love your loved ones (and even the unlovely ones) and don't ever be scared to tell someone that God is getting me through this day.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.